I was thinking about lost friends last evening.

I was returning from the shore, stuck in traffic and Marna, next to me, was asleep.  It was her last day of work for the summer and she had put in a very long, hard day.

As I sat there inching along in the bumper to bumper traffic, my mind started to wander and I was thinking of friends with whom I have lost touch.

I am very lucky in the friend department, on the whole.  My best friend is still the girl who lived up the street from our house at the shore.  She lived there year-round and we can't even remember how old we were when we met....we think we've narrowed it down to when I was 3 and she was 4. 

Through marriages, children and a divorce (hers) we were not always frequently in touch, but we never became emotionally detached, so our infrequent calls, letters or meetings were enough to sustain our strong bond.  I know this sounds corny, but it's as if the Fates designed us to be best friends.....it's that strong of a connection.

I am also fortunate enough to be in touch with all my close high school friends.  High school friends is probably a misnomer as we came from a very small town (a half hour from where I live now), a town from which people rarely moved, and we were together from nursery school until 12th grade.  We all go to our high school reunions and it's not unusual for someone to throw a gathering in the years between reunions.  We always exchange Christmas cards, some of  us email regularly and if someone comes back to the area, phone calls are made and a meeting is planned.

My college friends are a bit of a different story.  I am still in touch with the two roommates I had and a few other people who lived on my hall.....but my ring of college friends grows smaller and smaller.  I know it's easy to lose touch when you live far away and never see one another and I am responsible for some of those relationships dying.  As I grow older, I regret allowing those friendships to sizzle. 

I have tried to rekindle some college friendships and have been successful with two.  But many of my former college friends seem to have dropped off the map.  They have fairly common names, so Google isn't much of a help and they are no longer in the college directory that is compiled every several years and they are not in the alumni directory online.  I have no idea how to find them now.  That tells me I need to cherish and nurture the college friendships I still have.

I have lost the most friends on the internet.  I have been on message boards for 11.5 years.  I started on a huge site called Moms Online.  It was a great site, one where many, many women became online friends and forged strong friendships.

When it closed, there were splinter groups that started online message boards. Through the years the sites and faces have changed.  Some people just dropped off the internet, but many times the changes were a result of disagreements.

It's sometimes difficult  to properly express one's feelings on the internet,  where tone of voice and facial expressions are absent.  I'm sure those factors came into play in some, if not all, of the disagreements.  I was a big part of those 'board wars' in some instances,  because I am opinionated and have yet to learn to keep my thoughts to myself when I should.  And honestly....years after....I can't even remember what 99% of those disagreements were about.

Sitting there in traffic last night, I was thinking of so many names....people I enjoyed 'talking' to on a daily basis....wondering how life has treated them, how their husbands and kids are doing...

I could list a huge list of names of people I was thinking about last night.  I know many of them are still on the internet on message boards.  But I also know, because of my past behaviors, that I am persona non gratis at those message boards.  And I understand that.  In some, not all, cases I earned that reputation.

I don't know if any of the people I used to post with even know this blog still exists.  But if they do and if they perchance are reading here, I'd like them to know that I hope life is treating them well and that I still think of them.

Cherish your friendships.  When they are gone, they are sometimes impossible to rekindle.